If you have recently found out that you are pregnant, you may be going through a whole range of emotions. You may be unsure, shocked, or even not in a position to have a baby just yet.
An unplanned pregnancy can be overwhelming, and then you may be thinking of the baby’s father. If you are not in a committed relationship, you may be wondering if you should even tell him or not!
An unplanned pregnancy can be very difficult to deal with, but we are here to help you.
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Do I Tell Him I’m Pregnant?
One of the first things that could pop into your mind is whether you should tell the baby’s father that you are pregnant.
Of course, if you are in a committed relationship, and you are both on the same page, then you should definitely tell your partner!
If it is an unplanned pregnancy, or you do not have a serious relationship with the father, then you may be scared to do so.
While there is no legal requirement that you have to tell the father that you are pregnant (in the USA at least), you may feel that he has a right to know.
It is a joint decision making process, and you should consider his feelings and your own feelings in this situation.
However, it does vary depending on the circumstances. If the baby is a result of a one night stand, you are not in a relationship with the father, or it is unsafe for you to be in a relationship with the father, then your answer may change.
However, in most cases, no matter what the outcome of the unplanned pregnancy will be, you should both know about the pregnancy, and face the decision together.
How To Tell Him You’re Pregnant
Over half of all pregnancies in the US are unplanned, so don’t feel too stressed that you have fallen unexpectedly pregnant. To take the next steps, and tell the father, we have some advice for you.
Confirm Pregnancy With Positive Pregnancy Test
It is a good idea to wait until you are 100% sure of the pregnancy. A home pregnancy test is not always accurate, and some may show lines that are unclear.
Even if you have had more than one positive test result, it is a good idea to see a doctor or go somewhere like planned parenthood for confirmation and advice.
Then, when you are ready to tell the father, have a plan of how you are going to do it.
Perhaps speak to a trusted friend or family member first for support. Be sure to pick the right setting or moment to give them the news.
Have An Open And Honest Conversation
Then, it is time to tell the father. Try to be open, honest, and direct.
An unexpected pregnancy can be big news to take, so after the initial shock has passed, you will be able to talk. Initial reactions can be raw and difficult, as this is an emotional experience, so try to be patient.
Keep in mind that this is the first time that the father is hearing the news. He may have a negative reaction at first as he is processing it.
He may ask about birth control, and how this could have happened. He may become angry, upset, confused, happy, or go through a range of emotions. These are common feelings in the moment.
However, if you are unsure if he may become very angry, then have a close friend waiting nearby to support you, and keep you safe.
A bit of a shocked reaction is totally normal, but once you have given him time to process, you can talk about whether a baby or a child is something you can raise together.
How You Both Feel Is Important
Be sure to listen to his concerns and feelings. If you have been together a long time, then this surprise pregnancy may be something that you both want, and this is happy news.
With the right support from your partner, friends, and family, the unplanned pregnancy can be a blessing.
It can be a little more complicated if it is a new relationship, or the father is not your partner or boyfriend.
In these cases, be sure to read each other’s facial expressions, listen, and give each other space if needed to process the new reality.
Start The Decision Making Process
If the pregnancy is unplanned, and neither of you are ready to take on the challenge of raising a child, then there are many options.
While most unplanned pregnancies result in parenting, you may want to think about not just adoption but abortion also.
You may want to look into the idea of an adoption agency, adoptive family, or speak to an adoption specialist to come up with an adoption plan.
Choosing adoption is not an easy choice, but it can be the right one for some people.
In other cases of unwanted pregnancy, abortion could be an option if you are willing.
An abortion is a medical procedure that many women may decide to go through, but you should tell your partner before making any decisions.
Having an abortion is a very difficult choice, but for some circumstances it may be in the best interest of the mother, father, and child.
Just be sure to speak to someone for professional counseling before and after making any decisions about abortion.
For many women, raising a child may not be something that they want to do or have the ability to do. Without a solid support system, a partner to help, financial security or other people in the child’s life, it can be incredibly tough.
Have a calm discussion with the father after the initial reaction about what you both want to do moving forward.
A final decision does not have to be made straight away if you are in your first trimester or early pregnancy, but it is good to discuss your options.
Relationship With The Father
Partner/Husband
If you are married, then an unplanned pregnancy may be confusing to deal with. If you are both ready for a baby, then this can be excellent news.
However, if you are both not ready, your marriage is unstable, or you do not have the financial security- then you may need to have a calm and respectful conversation with one another about how you can support each other through this situation.
Boyfriend
Telling a boyfriend is much easier if you have been a couple for a number of years, but if it is fresh and new, then you may be nervous.
It is a good idea to talk early on in the pregnancy (as long as you feel safe to do so), and decide what you both would like to do.
Many boyfriends will be very supportive and involved, but some may not be ready for children or an unplanned pregnancy.
Casual
If the father is unknown or the unplanned pregnancy is the result of a casual relationship, then how you handle this situation is down to you.
Ultimately, it is your decision as it is your body and your baby.
Getting Ready To Tell The Father You are Pregnant: Do’s & Don’ts
There is no right or wrong way to tell someone that you are pregnant. Breaking the news is different for everyone.
You also cannot predict how the person will react to the news, so try to be patient and understanding.
Break The News Gently
Unplanned pregnancies are just that -unplanned- this means that it could shock the person, and the first reaction may not be a positive one.
Keep in mind that you may have already known about this for a little while, whereas the person is just finding out and going through the motions in front of you.
That being said, many men are overjoyed to become fathers, so if you too feel ready to be a parent, then this can be a great response!
Just be mindful that you need to be 100% ready to be a parent too, not just the father.
Despite him being committed to supporting you, if you are not ready then do not decide just yet.
Don’t Tell Him In A Text Message
This is big, life-changing news. You should do it in person rather than over text or on the phone. That way, you can have a proper discussion.
Do Read Body Language
Someone’s body language can tell you more about their real feelings than their words.
If someone seems very uncomfortable, or extremely happy, then you know those feelings are genuine. Likewise if the father becomes extremely angry or violent, then remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible.
Don’t Rush It
This is a big decision. Do not make any rash decisions or rush telling the father until you are ready.
Let the father share their thoughts and emotions. In most cases, they may need a few days to gather their thoughts. Don’t rush a decision or ask them to decide if they want to be part of this journey with you.
Depending on your circumstances and your decision, you should wait until you are both ready to share the news with others, or to announce your pregnancy.
Final Thoughts
To summarize, if you are asking yourself ‘do I tell him I’m pregnant’, then in most cases, we suggest that you do, as long as it is safe for you to do so. Telling the father of an unplanned pregnancy is incredibly difficult.
Depending on your relationship with the baby’s father, your circumstances, and your own feelings towards parenting- it can be a tough decision to make.
Ultimately, it is your body, your choice, but having an open discussion with the father is vital, as they deserve to know about the pregnancy.
If you are struggling with the news, reach out to a doctor or counselor for help and guidance during this time.
